The Hard Conversation

Conversations / Matthew 19:16–22

Opening statement and illustration

We are likely one or two challenging conversations away from incredible growth.

This is important to talk about because it is so easy to get wrong. We are avoidant, we are aggressive. We get into conflict. We yell, we run, we gossip. or we jump in hot and just say what we want to say as loud as possible. None of that is helpful.

If we do hard conversations right, they will always be to serve and lift up the other.

Challenging Conversations have to point somewhere

Matthew 19:16–18 ESV

And behold, a man came up to him, saying, “Teacher, what good deed must I do to have eternal life?” And he said to him, “Why do you ask me about what is good? There is only one who is good. If you would enter life, keep the commandments.” He said to him, “Which ones?” And Jesus said, “You shall not murder, You shall not commit adultery, You shall not steal, You shall not bear false witness,

And Jesus immediately orients the man, not to being right, not to getting into a fight, not to petty corrections. And He uses His first statement to make a statement about what is truly good. The man has it in his mind that he will be able to do enough good to inherit eternal life.

Jesus challenges his notion of goodness.

Only one is good. Jesus uses a conversation to orient the man toward God.

There has to be a means to move toward where you are pointing

Matthew 19:18–21 ESV

He said to him, “Which ones?” And Jesus said, “You shall not murder, You shall not commit adultery, You shall not steal, You shall not bear false witness, Honor your father and mother, and, You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” The young man said to him, “All these I have kept. What do I still lack?” Jesus said to him, “If you would be perfect, go, sell what you possess and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow me.”

We see that when JEsus confronts this man with what is both good and what is true, He gives him enough to do something with at each point.

To challenge someone is to give them something they can do. It is giving something they can actually act on. Often we challenge but we call people to unattainable destinations. We have to show them the destination but ask them to simply take a few first steps there. With you.

A good challenging conversation may be hurtful in the moment, healing in the next

Matthew 19:22 ESV

When the young man heard this he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions.

Prompt: Can we talk about something that I think is really important to both of us? I want nothing more than for you to flourish in your faith

Response prompt: I want nothing more than to flourish in my faith. Help me see what is the most good.

The goal for us is the church is not to walk away from them like the Rich young ruler. Jesus opened the door to heaven itself and the man said no thank you.

The Gospel is the reality that all things come under submission to God. And that God is the most good. Everything else is lesser good. The church can be chucking things left and right in order to find our best good in God.

We are called to find our best good in God. All else is suspect. For those times we need each other. We need each others support, our help, our prayer and our harder conversations.